a collection of certainly special, uniquely unusual, and equally momentous thoughts: memoirs of me

Thursday, March 3, 2011

Plans and changes

Last July my life changed drastically. I had a spectacular plan that made perfect sense to me and seemed like the right timing. One night that plan evaporated almost instantaneously. For weeks, and then what turned into months, my life felt like a big question mark. Slowly but surely I developed another plan, a plan I was excited about, a plan that thrilled me, a plan I looked forward to. It was a plan I could accomplish all on my own.

The Lord loves to throw wrenches in plans.

In fact, I'm not sure if I've ever been able to complete a plan because the Lord always changes them, with the exception of my mission which was a plan I got to complete.

Why do I bother making plans when they're always changed then? Why is it so hard for me to let go of my own independence and do what the Lord wants?

Maybe because it takes me so long to actual formulate that beautiful plan that I don't want it ruined. I've thought, pondered, struggled, prayed, and meditated to make the plan in the first place and then to have it changed is frustrating. And it scares me.

I wish I could be like one of those people who has a plan, and a good one at that, but with the simple prompting of the Spirit can leave it all behind to do something else and leap into the dark. I don't mind the dark myself but I sure do like to diligently prepare and know ahead of time when I'm going to walk into it. I think this is only making sense in my head.

So here I am, in the light for now. I have a plan, a really good plan. But what if something happens tomorrow and it changes?

I hope I can leap into the dark full force ahead.

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