Let's talk about pain

Let me tell you about my day.

I woke up in a lot of pain from the grade 3 sprained ankle I sustained a week and a half ago. My ankle is still bruised and swollen and I think I did a number on it last night during my sleep. I can't put weight on it yet because of the severity of the sprain so I've been on crutches for 11 days now. My underarms are sore, my right leg is achy because of the toll it's taken being my only useful leg right now, and I'm getting cramps in my left leg from not using it for almost two weeks.

That was only the beginning.

As I hobbled into work today the lobby of my office building was slightly slippery and as I attempted to put weight on my crutches they slipped right out beneath me and I fell to the ground. My rear took the brunt of the fall although I really hurt my left thumb. It's bruising and been sore all day.

As if that weren't enough, around 3 pm today I got a migraine. Fireworks of pain shot through my brain  and it was all I could do not to burst out in tears.

So that was my day.

I don't write to complain at all. I'm not one to ever want anyone to feel sorry for me. I'm a strong woman and independent and I can get through this. I know I can. I've been in worse pain before. But as I laid on my back in my office with my ankle propped up on a medicine ball to relieve the swelling in my ankle that had been growing all day, I got to thinking about pain. And it's purpose.

There are all different kinds of pain, but physical pain is something I feel I've been "blessed" with a lot on this earth. I'm not a hypochondriac at all, actually just the opposite, but I think that's because I learned about real pain from a young age. Crohn's Disease has been my friend since I was 8 years old resulting in times of writhing and indescribable pain that can't really be explained. Hours that I spent crumbled on my bedroom floor begging for relief, days that I spent in hospital rooms asking for more morphine, times when I wonder why pain has found me. This time. Again.

But through all these experiences I've gained priceless perspective and understanding, things I don't think I'd trade even to get rid of the pain. I've learned just what the body is capable of enduring, how far it can be pushed, just what is possible when pain is the only thing I feel. It has made me stronger, more resilient, and more compassionate.

Most importantly, I have found gratitude in this mortal body of mine. That it can heal itself seamlessly, that it can make itself whole again. I look forward to the day when this mortal shall put on immortality and when bodily pain will forever cease. I look forward to the Resurrection with anticipation and excitement.

So for now I will continue on. There will be more days of pain in the future. I have yet to give birth to a child but I don't worry about the pain it will require. There will be more injuries that will have to be overcome. There will be sickness and disease that will surely be met at some point. And finally there will be the road to death however that may come.

But today I am grateful when the pain subsides. I'm grateful for little pills that help in that process. I'm grateful for heat packs and ice packs. I'm grateful for crutches that keep me mobile. I'm grateful for sickness - that we can recognize health. And I'm grateful for pain because I know in the end that He knows what I'm going through because He suffered all.

When I come begging on my knees for help, He is always there.