Hannah Redford Merrell

One marriage certificate. Two hours at the Social Security Administration building. Three hours at the DMV. One new driver's license. One new name.

It's weird how you can change you name and how changing your name really does make you feel like a new person. Your name is the very first thing given to you after birth. Your parents pick something special that they think will capture your personality and minutes or even seconds after you're born you're given this name, a name that you will use to identify yourself for the first several decades of your life.

I've written Hannah Kay Redford on dozens of bubble test forms in school, hundreds of emails, all kinds of paperwork at doctor's offices, and more. My name is who I have been my entire life.

And now it has changed.

I walked out of the DMV and mourned the change. Not because I'm not excited to be Hannah Merrell but because Hannah Redford was so good to me. It represented the good life I've had and the person I've become. It represented the last 3 decades of grand adventure. It represented my single life of learning and stretching and growing. It was also a really cool name to have because of it's relation to a certain Sundance-owning movie star.

Hannah Kay Redford is the person that Jeff fell in love with and the girl he proposed to, even the girl he married. It's the name they used over the alter in our sealing ceremony. In my head I'm still that person and I'm not sure that will ever change.

Nevertheless, a couple months into this marriage thing and I'm slowly getting used to introducing myself as Hannah Merrell. It still feels weird rolling off my tongue but I'm sure soon enough it will become natural. Eventually, as life goes on and Jeff and I become "The Merrell's," there will be people we meet who will never know my maiden name, they will only know me as Hannah Merrell and never as Hannah Redford. Redford will become something that I only write on legal documents or give to one of my children as a middle name.

I'm okay with that. I love Jeffrey William Merrell and am honored to take his last name. It binds us together even more and for me, this sense of sacrifice only adds to my level of commitment to him. I just hope that I'll get to the point where I feel the same sense of identity with this new name, that I'll feel like Hannah Merrell in my soul just as I have with Hannah Redford.

We'll see.

Sincerely,
H.R.M.